You should be so lucky, Pat

Religious loony claims gays will force Christians to enjoy anal sex.

Oh dear.  Just when you think he cannot get any more bigoted, bizarre or ill-informed, American Christian fundie Pat Robertson insists that allowing same-sex marriage will eventually lead to all sorts of sexual behaviours he finds “abhorrent”, including male rape apparently.

Speaking on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s 700 Club in response to Indiana’s homophobic Religious Freedom Restoration Act, Pat claimed that gay customers “make you conform to them.”

In one of his most bigoted and bizarre statements to date – and he’s come out with some doozies – Pat said “You’re gonna say you like anal sex, you like oral sex, you like bestiality,” he added. “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to conform your religious beliefs to the group of some abhorrent thing. It won’t stop at homosexuality.”

As ever, a homophobe hiding behind a Bible to promote his bigotry, and getting it all wrong as usual.  In falsely claiming that homosexual men (you’ll notice Pat never references lesbians) will enforce others to ‘enjoy’ anal sex, what he is talking about is rape.  I would like to ask Pat Robertson if he thinks women victims enjoyed their experience of rape, but I am frankly scared of the reply I might get.

It may interest Pat, and any who think like him, to learn that the vast majority of rapists are heterosexual men, and that includes rapists who anally rape other men.  This is because rape is not about sexuality, it is about control and power over and the humiliation of the victim.  As he is such a loyal ‘merkin’ boy, who no doubts hates the ‘dirty commies’, I suggest that Pat reads about the atrocities the Red Army committed during the march through Germany to Berlin in 1945.  Soviet soldiers, mostly heterosexual (the Soviet Union was probably more homophobic than the west), raped anything that moved; women and men, girls and boys. as a weapon of war and as revenge for the Nazi invasion of Russia.

Oh gosh, we’re all going to like oral sex – like we don’t all like it already.  And I’ve got news for Pat, that includes many Christian couples, with both partners happily going down on each other, just as couples have been doing for millennia.  Unless of course, given his obsession with gay sex, Pat is referring purely to homosexual fellatio (and no dears, that’s not a character in Hamlet).

And here comes the stupid statement – bestiality.  I really wish Pat would become better informed and learn that every US state and every country which has allowed same-sex marriage has the same stringent laws against bestiality (he means zoophilia, rather than human beings being sexually ‘bestial’, which was the original definition) as all others do.  And of course it is not gay men who practice bestiality – it’s mostly straight men who do that.  I know this; I live in Scotland, where the men are real men – and the sheep are nervous.

Then we come to polyamory; group sex.  Again, people have been happily engaging in orgies for millennia, and if Pat thinks this does not happen in the straight community, I suggest he takes the blinkers off.

I really cannot BELIEVE that Pat Robertson describes polygamy, having many wives, as an “abhorrent” practice.  WOAH, Pat.  To use a wise old Scots saying, haud the bus.  Pat Robertson bases his opposition to homosexuality on verses against it in the Old Testament – the very same Old Testament which is replete with men having many wives, and Bob Almighty certainly didn’t seem to have a problem with that.  It’s not the LGBTQI community calling for polygamy, Pat, it’s your religion which advocated that.

With predictable ignorance and bigotry, Pat then goes off on a rant about Islam, correctly stating that stoning wives is in the Qur’an – whilst conveniently ignoring the fact that the very same practice appears in the Old Testament.  In fact, the laws on stoning appear in the Book of Leviticus; the very same book that Pat and his like get the rule of gay sex being an “abomination” from.

Similarly Pat makes the mistake of stating that a Muslim can tell his wife “I divorce you” three times, and the couple are legally divorced.  While the “triple-talaq” of a man telling his wife “I divorce thee” three times is indeed legal in some Islamic countries, there are some Muslim scholars who frown upon it, stating that there should be a period of time between each talaq to give the wife two more chances – a sort of “three strikes and you’re out”.  The triple-talaq however is most certainly not legal in developed, western countries, where Muslims seeking divorce have to go through the same due process of law as any other couple, nor is it ever likely to become legal in western society.  Hell, could you see US lawyers giving up potential divorce cases without putting up a fight?  But Pat maintains “it’s in the book”.  If he is meaning that the triple-talaq is in the Qur’an, then it is obvious he has never picked up a copy.  It appears in fact in the Hadith; writings of Mohammed.  And that is why some Islamic countries allow it, but not all.

It may also interest Pat to learn that under Talmudic Law a man must divorce an unfaithful wife, even if he is inclined to forgive her.  And the Torah states that divorce is simply obtained by a man writing a Bill of Divorce, and handing to his wife, which any Jewish husband is entitled to do, for as little as the wife being a poor cook.  At least in Islam it has to be something substantial, like adultery.

Poor Pat.  Such intolerance and ignorance in under three minutes.  And always reducing what is supposed to be about loving relationships to sex, and attacks homosexuality at every turn.

Not that I wasn’t already aware of this.  In 1999 the Bank of Scotland entered a deal with Pat Robertson to try to use his influence to break into the banking market in the USA.  Having come over here on a visit, Robertson responded in an outburst decrying the amount of homosexuality in Scotland.  Robertson stated “In Scotland you can’t believe how strong the homosexuals are.”  Well, I don’t know if Pat was speaking from personal experience, but while some of them are quite strong, the rest are what are commonly known in Scotland as ‘Big Jessies’ – I should know, I am one.  He added that Scotland was “a dark country overrun by homosexuals.”  HA!  I should be so bloody lucky, dears.

So, having slighted the best wee country in the world, one would imagine the Bank of Scotland would have sent Pat packing wi’ a flea in his lug.  Like hell they did.  They broke off their business relations and gave Robertson £10 million ‘compensation’.  What the hell, BoS?  I’ve been a loyal customer for over 20 years.  If you’re throwing millions away, throw some in my direction.

So what do we make of Pat Robertson’s obsession with sex, and gay sex in particular?  The late great Bill Hicks once said “You just know someone that right-wing is hiding a deep, dark, secret.” and of course, he was right.  So know what?  I reckon that’s Pat’s problem.  Anyone that obsessed about gay sex must be thinking about it morning, noon and night.  And as any psychologist worth their salt will tell you, those who are most vehemently homophobic do not necessarily hate gays, they hate themselves for their own latent homosexuality, and are so ashamed of it, but are too cowardly to admit it, they lash out at others.

Let’s face facts; Pat Robertson is so far back in the closet, that he has Aslan on speed dial.

And if that is the case, another reason why Pat Robertson is so homophobic is because he’s not getting any action himself.  In that respect, he reminds me of the Conservative Party politician Ann Widdecombe, who at age 67 claims to have stayed a virgin through choice.  Yes, but not necessarily her choice.

And so it is with Pat Robertson, who is more to be pitied than anything else, as a sad, sexually confused, old man, who is unlikely to ever get the good solid rodgering he needs, and which may just unpucker his face a bit and make him lighten up a little.

So he need not worry himself about anyone in the LGBTQI community forcing him into anything.  Certainly not from me.  Sorry Pat dear, but although I’m quite happy to shag just about anything that moves (and a few things that don’t), you wouldn’t even be last on my list; you simply would not appear upon it.  And I reckon the same goes for all my LGBTQI sisters and brothers.

Finally, if you are reading this Pat, and you’re not pleased about it, well, you claim to be a Christian, so forgive me.