Two years of Xandra on WordPress
Those lovely people at WordPress recently made me aware that I have now been blogging here for two years now. During that time, I have changed a little, and I would say very much for the better.
Blogging as Xandra has put me much more in touch with my sexuality, and just exactly who and what I am. I did state back in 2012 that I was a heterosexual crossdresser. I now that not to be the truth and that I was then still firmly in denial. I now know myself to be pansexual, capable of loving all genders and sexualities. Sigh. I suppose my DVDs with Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves, and other such pretty boy actors is more than a giveaway. Not that a nice girl like me would ever admit to fantasising about being spanked by Johnny Depp, or anything like that…
I still stand by what I did say in one blog, however; it’s not penises which repel me, but rather what they are attached to. Stupid men. Mostly brutal, thick, unthinking, and far more prejudiced than most women.
I also realise that I still very much carry the scars of the sexual abuse I suffered as a child, and coming here has helped me cope with that to a great deal. At one point I thought that my gender identity and sexuality may be as a result of that abuse and still felt guilt about that. Having read the blogs of others, however, I now understand that this is not the case, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. It has therefore been therapeutic and given me the courage to accept myself, to be proud of myself, as a pansexual, a crossdresser, and a highly sexual individual.
I have also made some wonderful friends here, particularly among fellow crossdressers and trans people, as well as others in the LGBTIQ community, and my love goes out to each and very one of you. Another positive to come out of this is that it has reinforced my view that as we are all sexual people, with our own dispositions, there is not one person has the right to judge the sexuality of another. So long as no-one is hurting a child or an animal, and is engaging in fully consensual sex, whatever that be, then all sexualities have equal validity and should be accorded equal respect.
I said when I started blogging that my lifestyle was a journey which I was still trying to fully understand. I stand by that, and doubt I shall ever fully understand it. I no longer attempt to, I am only happy to accept it. There are times I have made mistakes, and I realise I am by no means perfect (I know – that surprised me too), I like to think however that where I have been in error, I have learned from others. Equally, I like to think that I have in my own little way helped to inform and educate others.
And so the journey continues. Here’s to the past two years, and the many years yet to come, when I hope to continue to debate, learn, inform, and make more lovely girlfriends on WordPress (Hmm, some boyfriends too, maybe? Pretty boys only need apply).